How?

“You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness”.

This bit of lyrics from globally known song released in 2011 must be familiar to us. Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" was such a bop at that time. That only occurs to some people though. The rest probably sick of it since it had been played only God knows how many times a day in radio. But for those some people like me, that particular verse gives a deep meaning.

Oddly, after finished reading this article, I realized that the lyric suits my condition for these past 3 years. I was too attached to my own feelings. I was so certain that what I felt was love when it's just simply sadness. Sadness from the past which resulted from a permanent scar that I hope could be erased from my life, from me. Because love won't let you lower your self-esteem or confidence. It supposed to boost them out of anything it needs to keep you stay in love and being loved.

Time still running but I can't seem to know when will all of this ends. I'm tired, sad, I feel pathetic about myself. Or even embarrassed. I just don't know what to do about this. I feel torn inside and outside. How to pull down the sadness inside of me? People may find this ridiculous or feel that I exaggerate things. I don't want to feel what I've been feeling this whole time, you know. I just want to run away from the stuff that breaks me down. But how?